The van pulled up in front of the woman's hotel and she opened the white door labelled "MARIO TOUR" and climbed in. Inside was one other woman with frizzy hair and a dorky smile. The driver nodded to her in his rearview mirror. She sat down next to the woman, which she immediately regretted because she felt that all-too-familiar social pressure of needing to either start uncomfortable small talk or ignore the woman and feel like a bitch.
She could feel the woman's eyes glance over at her every minute or so, obviously feeling the same pressure. She really didn't want to talk; she was exhausted from an all-morning winery tour and then gondola ride in the hot sun. She just wanted to relax but couldn't handle the pressure of other humans thinking she was socially inept or mean.
"Ugh!" She finally released. "Listen, you seem very nice, but, let's just not make ourselves have to talk to each other, okay? I would love to talk to you and I'm sure you're a fine lady, but I'd rather just stare out the window and be silent."
The woman responded with a shocked expression. "Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you said that! I feel the exact same way! Thanks for saying that and getting it out there, now I don't have to worry about being polite."
"Perfect!"
"This is so freeing! Gosh I really like you. I just don't feel like going through the whole, Where are you from? Oh great! I'm from yadda-yadda and Do you have kids? and all that crap."
"And you have to force a smile and nod and make approving sounds with the back of your throat."
"God it's so exhausting!"
"Yes!"
"I actually feel so great about this, I feel like I can be totally open to you with the fact that I just really could care less about anything about you!"
She sat up in her seat. "I was just thinking that I don't care anything about you either!"
"Ha! That's so funny! My gosh, I really feel like I get you. We're so similar!"
"We are! Okay, let's just stare out the window, no judgements."
"I'm not even going to glance at you once. I won't even say goodbye, or Enjoy the rest of your trip or any of that other bullshit! Only if a terrorist attack broke out, or the bus caught on fire would I further interact with you, and that would only be so I could push you aside so I could escape and save myself!"
"Likewise! I bet we have tons of things in common but I don't care to wade through all the energy sucking politeness to reach it! I bet we probably know the same person in Ohio or something, or are related in some way, but there is zero part of me that wants to exert that energy for you! Zero!"
"You are one of the best people I've ever met here!"
"You are! I knew from the moment I met you there was something special about you, that I couldn't care less about!"
The women talked about not talking to each other for hours. They'd never had such a real interaction. They both felt like they could completely be themselves around each other. They passed by the Colosseum, the Vatican, the Sistene Chapel, and the Pantheon and barely glanced out the window. Finally their tour was over and the women felt revitalized with energy. When the frizzy hair woman got out she accidentally let slip that she lived in Romeoville, IL; the same town as the other woman!
"No, no, don't tell me where you live. I don't care, I don't want to know you."
The other woman laughed. "So true! God I hope I never run into you again! Seriously, fuck off."
"No, you fuck off."
"Thank you. This has been one of the best relationships in my life. Go away now!"
"You go away and shut up!" The women laughed and she shut the door and walked away. Inside the van, the woman who was so tired at the start of her tour and now felt energized watched her walk away.
"Dammit, I should have gotten her phone number..."
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