All Cathy ever ate was Chinese Food. She'd go to middle school during the day, skip lunch to go to Ping's 44 or Japanese Sushi, then when she'd come home the first thing she'd do is take out the fryer that her parents got her for Christmas, roll some rice, vegetables, egg, and cut-up chicken into dough and fry it into eggrolls and go to Chinatown on them.
But one day when she was eating her beef won-ton in a nearby Korean restaurant -- the kind where they cook the meal at your table -- and the mushroom in her food started speaking to her.
"Are you Cathy?" asked the sliced mushroom.
Cathy screamed and jumped up. People looked over at her. The chef who was about to catch the egg on his spatula missed it and the egg cracked on the stove. He swore in Korean. The female wait staff rushed over to the girl to make sure everything was alright. She assured them everything was fine. They walked away and she looked back at the mushroom.
"You are Cathy!" the mushroom said. The little curls under its dome seemed to be watching her like eye holes. A little slit in the center stem opened like a mouth.
"Are you alive?!" Cathy stammered, her heart beating like a drum. The waiter and the small family on the opposite end of the oven-table looked at her with judgmental eyes.
"Yes! Oh I'm so glad to be eaten by you, Cathy McRinnis! Oh, how delighted I am! You're quite a celebrity in the Asian food circuit."
"I am?!" Cathy said, her heart still beating in her throat.
"Absolutely! You've eaten more different kids of Asian food than most Asian people! Your intestines and bowels have collected so many different kinds of food particles from Eastern countries' cuisines I've heard that it's heaven for us Asian foods! I'm going to heaven!"
"Are you hearing this?" Cathy asked the other people at the table. They stared at her with wide eyes, open mouths, and the father slightly shook his head. They weren't hearing it.
The noodles on Cathy's plate shook. "Bfffftt. Whhhhell, hello there Cathy!" it said in a goofy, robust voice. The snowpeas squeaked hello. "Our savior! We're going to heaven!" The bits of broccoli, the onion slices, the bits of teryaki beef, even the splatterings of curry sauce formed itself into a wide-eyed smile in her plate. They started to chant, "Eat us! Eat us! Eat us! Eat us!"
Cathy quickly granted their request and chop-sticked themselves into her mouth bit by bit, trying to only chew them gently. She could hear their voices inside of her ears.
"It's glorious in here!"
"So wonderous!"
"My long lost cousins!"
"Bits of broccoli -- my ancestors! It's good to be reunited!"
"We'll have more soy sauce to splash around in for centures!"
"All hail Cathy, our goddess!"
"CATHY! ALL HAIL CATHY!"
